| "Can ya show me the way to the windy city?" |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|02:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | full to the ring | ] |
| [ | music |
| | REM - Shiny crappy people | ] |
Fuckin' hell people.Mr Methane here.Just farting around on the net and thought i'd do a splat of an LJ post.
Just been training this winter,stocking up on all the stuff you need for those anal explosions.Been eating bran,curry,prunes and not exercising my ring enough,just so it's raring to blow this (Sp)ring.
Tell me about your anal exploits of late,i'd love to hear - Literally!
See ya soon. |
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| "Splat" |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|09:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Breezy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The above | ] |
Howdee,you gassy lot.Happy poo year to you all.This is my first time on here in a while,been doing a lot of training on my voicings.I'm gonna keep this short and sweet,unlike one of my farts but just wanted you to see the tracklisting for the comp' c.d i'm making right now.Enjoy...
35 Poppadum Preach - Madonna
34 Korma Chameleon - Culture Club
33 Bhaji Trousers - Madness
32 King Prawn Massala Drinks Are Free - Wham
31 Dansak Queen - Abba
30 Korma People - Pulp
29 Tikka Chance On Me - Abba
28 When I Phall in Love - Nat King Cole
27 You Can't Curry Love - Diana Ross and the Supremes
26 Korma Police - Radiohead
25 Things Can Only Get Bhuna - D:Ream
24 Tears On My Pilau - Kylie Minogue
23 It's Bhuna Hard Days Night - The Beatles
22 Brothers in Naans - Dire Straits
21 Girlfriend in a Korma - The Smiths
20 Pilau Talk - Doris Day
19 It's My Chapati and I Cry If I Want To - D.Stewart/B.Gaskin
18 I'm a Bhaji Girl - Aqua
17 Sag Aloo - Black lace
16 Take That and Chapati - Take That
15 Bhuna Round The World and I Can't Find My Bhaji - Lisa Stansfield
14 I Don't Want To Dansak - Eddie Grant
13 Dansak on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
12 We Are Jalfrezi - Sister Sledge
11 Vindaloo - Abba
10 I Don't Want to Go to Chutney - Elvis Costello
9 Rice Rice Baby - Vanilla Rice
8 Jalfrezi Jalfrezi Nights - Kiss
7 Tandoori Deliver - Adam and the Ants
6 Love me Tandoor - Elvis Presley
5 We Don't Have to Tikka Clothes Off - Jermaine Jackson
4 Bye Bye Balti - Bay City Rollers
3 Bhuna to be Wild - Steppenwolf
2 Livin' Dhal - Cliff Richard
1 Raita Here, Raita Now - Fatboy Slim
I'm gonna call it, "It anal it's craked up to be!" |
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| "Eh,up" |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|03:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Full and ready to burst | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gary shitter - The leader of the crack | ] |
Hi, my gusty friends.Haven't been floating around here for a while.The windy season is now gone and the Winter chill must be blown away - I wonder who could do that?
Looking so forward to Crimbo.All those mince pies,turkey and stuffing,what a gassy cocktail.I'm sure i'll explode into life around this time.
Need to make an xmas list for Mrs Methane.The only thing I can think of at present are new pants.As most of you know,I get through a fair few pairs throughout the year!
Anyway,'im gonna blow off now.See ya soon. |
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| Here's a nice romantic tune I sang to Mrs Methane in bed today, as we rested cheek to cheek |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|12:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hal - Worry about the wind | ] |
I worry about the wind
You worry about the rain
I worry about the wind
About that (brown) rain getting in your eye
I'll be there waiting on you babe
(Got a fart, got a sweet, sweet fart for you)
I'll be there wishing, hoping and praying
(Got a fart, got a sweet, sweet fart for you)
I've been wondering what it's like to have that pain
I got a sweet, sweet heart for you now
I keep on thinking about worrying about that time
You kept on running out and didn't count the cost
I worry about the wind
You worry about the rain
I worry about the wind
But that (brown) rain getting in your eye
I'll be there waiting on you babe
(Got a fart, got a sweet, sweet fart for you)
I'll be there wishing, hoping and praying
(Got a fart, got a sweet, sweet fart for you)
I've been wondering what it's like to have that pain
I got a sweet, sweet fart for you now
---
Who said romance were dead - eh? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|10:14 am] |
Time to do what Mr Methane does best and log out. |
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| Feeling hot hot hot! |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|09:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Sore arse | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Cure - Fire in Cairo [you're not wrong!] | ] |
Eh oop. I'm in rude health today. It's amazing what 3 rounds of Mrs Methane's home made chilli soup can do. I've had about 6 rounds of anal chilli soup as a result. Bargain!
We might have to call out a plumber to unblock the loo. I've used up 5 cack rolls in one sitting. Cor dear. What a right fookin' stench. Smells like a cart load of rotten eggs have crashed into a sewage works. |
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| The farts of life |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|12:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Brown | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Police - every breath you take | ] |
. age - Farty-four.
. location - Macclesfield. Quite a brownfield area.
. hair color - brown
. eye color - brown
. sexual preference - Mrs Methane
. what brand of deodorant do you use - Eau de shit gas
. do you like pickles - Yes, they make you fart like a trooper. Especially pickled eggs and onions.
. Do you have any pets - Mrs Methane
. who are you gonna vote for - ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) purplepoop, of course. Everyone else is shit.
. what do you want to do with your life - Eat, fart, shit.
. ever been butt naked bangin' on the bathroom floor - I am forever butt-naked, banging shits out in the bathroom, yes.
. do you like hot dogs - with chilli sauce and extra chilli's. Fartiful.
. last time you went to the doctor - Yes, because I was constipated and was in danger of losing my job.
. most attractive person you know - Mrs Methane. Other than that, my arse.
favorite color = brown, yellow, green. My shits are often of these hues.
describe yourself in four words = farty, windy, smelly, noisy.
Siblings = I often give birth to big brown babies.
underwear = right now? Talcum powder on me arse.
you wish you could live somewhere else = Chicago, the windy city.
you think about suicide = no, but sometimes I induce it in others when they catch a whiff of me arse.
you smoke = me arse does.
what are you scared of = constipation.
::What's your favorite bad-for-you food?:: No food is bad for me. It's all fartifying and fortifying.
::What's the craziest/stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk?:: Set fire to me arse. I do that when sober anyway though...
EITHER OR...
[Apples or bananas?] Refried beans.
[Red or blue?] brown. |
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| Long time no fart |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|11:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Hot botty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Cure - hot hot hot!!! | ] |
Eeh, I dun't know what's oop with me botty of late. Been shitting for England. And America, at that. My farts smell right rotten, like rubbery eggs set aflame. Brings a tear to yer eye it does. Both of them.
This week I've mostly been eating sweet 'n' sour pork, and my arse has been kicking up a stink more sour than sweet, I can tell thee. Mixing that with cider was a wise choice - we're talking a non-stop fart-a-thon here, right frothy bubbly 'uns. That'll get me a pay rise, I'm sure.
I asked Mrs Methane what we've got for dinner tonight, and she said she's cooking up some big hot treats for us: garlic naan bread for starters, followed by hot chilli soup, then for mains we're havin' egg phall curry with lentils in. All washed down with Guiness.
Just a quiet night in tonight then. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2004|04:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Bit stinky round the pant area | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cat Stevens - The Wind [yer not worng!] | ] |
Eh oop! Long time no fart. I had a reet good curry last night, real shit-gas inducer. Egg biryani. Mrs Methane's eyes were stinging from the after effects, and so were me brown eye. I think we may need to redecorate the flat, as the wall paper appear to be peeling right clean off t'walls.
I think I'll get on the Super Malt tonight. I've heard it "helps" the digestive system, though i'm not sure how. I'm sure my bottom will soon voice its reaction.
Here's a little poll for y'all:
Describe in words the smelliest guff you've ever done, and what the occasion were? |
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| Shit me with your rhythm stick! |
[May. 18th, 2004|07:30 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Morrissey - Hairdresser on fire (Cuzza me arse) | ] |
Eh, up. Me arse is killing me. I put the shit roll in the freezer and the old ring is still burning. Must have been that rat bhuna that I had last night.
I'm thinking of moving to Chicago, as they call it the windy city - I think I might get the key to the city. Whadda ya think! |
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| We've run out! |
[May. 3rd, 2004|10:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gaseous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Guided by Voices - My Thoughts are a Gas | ] |
Mrs Methane has just informed me that we've run outta cack roll. She just had a Lamb Phall, followed by a brown anal river! I've just given her a frozen sprout to put on her bumhole to ease the pain. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh(sole).
Must do a shopping list while i'm here. Need to go to Tescos Tomorrow:
prunes
toilet roll
beans
mircowave kebabs
onions
lentils
wind cheaters(not)
chick peas
straws
talcum powder
23 microwaveable curries
baby wipes. |
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| The smell of burning... |
[May. 2nd, 2004|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Scorpions - Wind of change | ] |
Hi, my windy companions. Mr methane here.
Had a barbie this afternoon.I didn't know that a combination of charcoaled chicken and prunes could go together so well.A real treat for people like me, who are experts in the art(fart) of anal voicing.
I'm sure Mrs Methane will have a very windy night, tonight...
I gotta run(literally).I've got the shit roll in the freezer! |
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| Just wafted in! |
[May. 1st, 2004|07:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | windy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Re-light my fire - Take That and Loo Loo | ] |
Hi there, folks. Mr Methane here, the worlds stinking greatest anal performance artist.
I'd heard a lot of guff about Live Journal, so I thought i'd sniff it out!
A lot of folks seem to have a lot of similiar dietery interests as me on here. I'm not the only smelly bastard around.
Anyway, i'll keep this short and sweet - unlike my anal voicings. So if this journal catches your nose, add me!
I'm off for sixteen pints of Supermalt and a Lamb Phaal. Ahhh. |
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